A FLICK OF THE WAD
by dracoluvr777
Summary: One day Voldemort and Harry Potter clash in this epic sprawl of the Harry Potter universe read what reviewers are called "a story"
1. Chapter 1

A flick of the wand

It was a dark day and voldemort was very upset. His eyes were super red that day. he was so mad.

"bellatrix get over here" he belted angrily at bellatrix. Bellatrix got over there real fast.

"yes my lord?" she sneered snootily as she sauntered over there real fast.

The dark lord spoke darkly once more

"bellatrix I am so mad," he spoke to bellatrix. Bellatrix suddenly hopped on her broom and flew out of there real fast.

"WOT R U DOIN!" voldemort screamed so loud the trees blew up. She cackled forever until she was gone. Voldemort wept to the skies.

"why sky why must she leave me so" he scorned a cloud.

At that very moment a hippo griff came to him. Voldemort wiped his ass. On the hippo griff. His face covered in the ass of voldemort, hippo griff cried great tears.

This confused dark lord voldemort and he questioned the bird thing, stating, "why are you crying."

At this very moment voldemort learned a life lesson.

"I am crying voldemort because you made me feel bad because you wiped on me." Barked hippo griff. Voldemort did not know that.

"I am sorry friend" spat voldemort and him and the bird hugged when suddenly HARRY POTTER CAME OUT OF THE SKY WITH ALL THE QUIDDITCH FRIENDS.

"OH NOOOOOOO IT'S VOLDEMORT!" SHOUTED HARRY POTTER AND THEN SHOT MISSILES AT VOLDEMORT.

VOLDEMORT HOPPED ON HIPPO GRIFF AND THE TWO FLEW UP INTO THE SKY AND SNAPPED HARY POTTER'S BROOM IN HALF AND THEN HE FELL TO THE GROUND IN GREAT PAIN.

Meanwhile at school ron weasely and hermoione suddenly heard harry potter scream and threw their books down real hard. They hopped into ron weasely's floating car and zoomed real fast over to where harry potter was. As they drove there the whomping willow whomped them a good one. Hermione was ejected violently from the windshield and was decapitated instantly. Ron sat holding her head and shouted "why".

Now ron was real mad and got back into his car and cast a clean spell so the blood wouldn't ruin the lush leather interior of the car. He flew it again to harry potter.

Voldemort sat there on hippo griff laughing so hard. He looked at ron whose face was flushed and swollen from his crying. Then he threw up all over hippo griff.

Once again, hippo griff began to weep big tear drops. But then the drops fell onto harry potter's broken bone and he was healed because hippo griff tears can heal people.

Suddenly a cackling draco malfoy appeared out of thin air. He sniveled at harry potter "haha potter you you mudblood!" and then hermionone's head began to weep. Ron shouted "bloddy heel!" and stabbed malfoy with a knife. Malfoy pulled out the knife and then ate it and transformed into the final boss. The final boss was the shape of a snake but it had two heads on both side of its head. It was 200 feet tall.

End of chapter one.


	2. THERE CAN BE ONLY WAD

CHAPTER 2: THERE CAN BE ONLY WAND.

THE SNAKE THAT HAS 2 HEADS ON ITS HEAD WAS REAL MAD AT HARRY POTTER AND EVERYONE BECAUSE HE'S DRACO MALFOY AND HES REAL MAD. HARRY POTTER KNEW HE HAD TO DEFEAT THE SNAK REAL FAST OR ELSE HE'LL KILL US. HARRY PULLED A WAND OUT OF HIS ASS. DINGLEBERRIES FELL OUT REAL FAST AND THEN TURNED AROUND AND BEGAN SHOOT AT THE SNAKE WITH DINGLEBERRIES.

HARRY DINGLEBERRIES WERE NO USE AS THE SNAKE ONLY ATE THEM ALL. THEY REJUVENATED HIM AND HE GREW STRONG FROM HIS DINGLES. OUT OF NOWHERE, HAGRID TOOK A BIG SHIT on snape AND SUDDENLY THE WHOLE CASTLE SMELLED SO BAD EVERYONE PASSED OUT EXCEPT FOR VOLDEMORT. CHEERY CHRISTMAS MUSIC BEGAN TO PLAY AND SNOWED.

SNAPE WOKE UP REAL FAST TO THE SOUND OF RUDOLPH MUSIC AND GRIMLY SAID "WHAT THE FUCK" AS HE DISCOVERED A PERFECT CURLY Q OF POOPIE ON HIS BIG OL HEAD. SNAPE CRIED AND THINKED OF LILY HIS EX GF. "POTTER WILL PAY BIG GALLEONS!" HE SAID AS IF HE WERE HOLDING IN A FART.

SUDDENLY THE WHOLE WORLD EARTHQUAKED AS SNAPE REALLY DID FART. HIS FART WOKE UP THE ENTIRE CASTLE AND THEY ALL BEGAN TO SCREECH. THE SOUND MADE THE CASTLE BRICKS CATCH ON FIRE AND SUDDENLY THE FIRST YEARS SUFFOCATED AND HOGWARTS EXPLODED.

SNAPE WAS HEARTBROKEN AS HIS FRIENDS ALL DIED (JK SNAP HAD NO FRIENDS). AS THIS ALL HAPPENED RON WEASELY WAS TRYING TO REATTACH HORMONE'S HEAD TO HER SEXY BODY BUT INSTEAD HER HEAD GREW LEGS AND ARMS AND WALKED OVER TO HARRY POTTER AND TRIED TO MAKE OUT WITH HIM. RON WEPT AND ANGSTILY SAID "POTTER YOU YOU MOTHER FUCKA!" AND RAN OVER REAL FAST TO HAIRY POTTER.

HARRY POOPER SAID "DON'T YOU DARE YOU GINGER SLUT" BUT IT WAS TOO LATE, RON WEASELY HAD HIM IN A real tight headlock. It was too tight and then hairy's head popped clean off. Ron wept real sadly.

In the meantime, hippo griff and voldemort were making out and then they looked at eachother and threw up uncontrollably all over the ground. Their throw up made the ground grow trees really fast but they were WHOMPING WILLOWS AND THEY STARTED TO WHOMP THE PEOPLE EVERYWHERE.

END OF CHAPTER 2


	3. THE THREE WADS

While the whomping willows began whomping everyone, Ron's mom jumped out of the rubble of Hogwash. Her red hair glistened in the dark and everyone turned as she spun around in circles. It wasn't her red hair, IT WAS HER HAIR ON FIRE. SHE SCREAMED! AND WENT TO DUNK HER HEAD IN THE LAKE BUT THEN THE KRAKEN GOT HER BAD. Ron lost the two loves of his life at this very moment. He orgled and ran off into the forgiven forest where he jumped on a nearby unicorn and flew.

But the unicorn was VOLDEMORT IN DISGUISE AND HE KNICKERED AND BIT RON'S ARMS CLEAN OFF. THEN HERMIONE'S HAUNTED HEAD CAME WHOOSHING FROM THE HEAVENS INTO VOLDEMORTS HEAD BUT GOT STABBED ON HIS HORN. Voldemort's unicorn head cackled pleasantly at this.

Meanwhile at the Dursley's house, Dudley was getting really fat. The Mr Dursley then said to him through his big mustache "You fat you are so fat you…. You… FAT"  
then Dudderz responded "shut up fat" and Mrs Dursley weeped on Harry's old closet under the stars. He then beat his son hard until his heart broken.

Meanwhile at the forbidden forest, voldemort sat on a spider back. Suddenly he remembered the big ol' pile of nachos he ate earlier at home. His stomach gurgled and goggled. The spider's eyes went real wide as he looked up to see voldemort's back arch in preparation. He spread his legs and a brown fiery fountain of evil ass fudge sprouted from his nethers. This all went right into the ferocious jaws of the spider.

Spider wept at voldemort and threw up. Voldermort said "why are you crying spider"

And spider said "I am crying voldemort because you made me feel bad because you dropped a huge wet sopping brown gross log in my mouth." Then he choked and exploded causing voldemort to fly straight into the sky where then he landed at the Dursley's house.

Dudley stared at Voldemort and then threw up so much he became so skinny he fell through a crack in the floorboard. Mrs Dursley pulled out a big box of chocolates and began eating so much she exploded. Mr Dursley became covered in the remnants of his wife and then became so pink he turned into a strawberry. Voldemort happily ate him and died.

End of chapter 3.


End file.
